FINDING out your partner has cheated on you is devastating enough – but imagine making that awful discovery just months after having his baby?
Rugby player Ben, 33, romped with Becky Milne until 4am after a boozy party – but news of his foul play got back to Una and she ended their marriage after confronting him.
Shockingly, a survey of 5,000 cheating men in 2014 revealed 82 percent were unfaithful after having children, with a lack of sleep, passionate sex and attention from their partner cited as the main reasons they strayed.
Here we speak to three women who went through a similar ordeal – and discover why they all decided to take back their men.
Danni Dunkiert, 24, a student nurse from Bury, Manchester, found out fiancé Mike* was having an affair when their son was four months old – then two days later discovered she was pregnant again…
“I really enjoyed the other night, we should do it again.”
Finding this message on Mike’s phone while he slept was devastating. I felt sick, I wanted to throw up. I wanted to take our son and leave, but it was quarter to midnight. It was horrid.
I’d never suspected Mike was being unfaithful. Sometimes he’d be a bit weird with his phone, taking it to the bathroom, but nothing that made me think he was seeing somebody else.
We were together for five years – we met through friends when we were in college. I was 17 and he was 18 – he charmed me instantly as he was so funny. We got along well and always had a laugh. In 2011 he proposed, and I was so happy.
We’d been together two years when I fell pregnant with our son (now five) in 2012. We’d talked about having children and settling down, and Mike was over the moon when I found out I was expecting – he was literally jumping for joy.
Mike was great during my pregnancy. For the first month, we were really tired but overjoyed to be parents. He said he thought we should have another baby soon; he and his brother are really close in age, so he wanted the same for his children. I was a bit unsure, but we went through finances and decided we could have another one, so we started trying.
When our son was four months old in September 2013, I’d gone out for a meal with some friends – it was the first time I’d left my baby, and I got back and Mike had fallen asleep. As I walked into the dark bedroom his phone lit up – it was a message from a woman.
I then went through his phone – I probably shouldn’t have done – but then I found a lot more messages from her. I took some photos of the texts as proof because I knew as soon as I mentioned anything he’d just delete them and deny it.
I spent a couple of days mulling over how I’d speak to him about it before I confronted him. He denied it and was very defensive – it took him two days before he finally admitted it.
In the middle of an argument, he said: “What do you want me to say then, that I slept with her?” I was like, well if that’s what happened, and he said vindictively, “Yes it did.”
To make matters worse, two days after I found out he’d been cheating on me, I found out I was pregnant with our daughter (now four).
I was a mess. I didn’t feel like I could speak to my family about it because it was so embarrassing. I hadn’t told them we’d been trying. To be pregnant and looking after a new baby but thinking of leaving their dad, it was horrendous.
We’d just moved from Bury to Blackpool because I was doing my degree, so I left and moved back home with my mum.
After two months, I made the hard decision move back to be with Mike and to continue with the pregnancy – I didn’t feel like I could do it on my own.
It was probably the wrong decision to stay with him, as when our daughter was about to turn two in February 2015, I found out that he was cheating on me AGAIN, this time with several women.
He’d asked me to check his emails to see if he’d got any job offers, and in his inbox were messages from various different dating sites, with women saying they’d enjoyed seeing him and asking to meet up again.
From that point we were done – I told him it was over. We’d been planning our wedding, and now I was moving back in with my mum.
He sees the children all the time – I think he regrets it. He said he wishes he could have the family that he’d hoped for and that he’d made mistakes. But I’d never go back.
Georgia Gaunt, 32, a stay-at-home mum from Bridlington, East Yorkshire, was heartbroken when she found out her partner of seven years had cheated with a 19-year-old while she was pregnant…
I met John* on Facebook, as he was friends with my sister-in-law and sent me a friend request.
From the beginning, we were never a very loved-up couple. I was only 24 – John was 28 – and I was very naive, so I just put it down to that just being the way I was. If I’m honest I think he was probably cheating on me from day one – he was always funny about his phone and never let me near it.
I already had two children from a previous relationship, and I fell pregnant with our son after about eight months. It was planned and John was excited when he found out and great when he was born.
When our son was about three months old we went to a Premier Inn for a night with all three kids. But when we got there, a woman messaged me on Facebook and said, “Do you know your partner’s meeting me for sexual favors?”
I was so shocked and burst out crying at the restaurant. His dad came to pick up the children and we had it out – he cried saying she was lying and trying to split us up. With me having a newborn I believed him and took no notice of it, but it all spiraled from there.
I fought for us to stay together for the children’s sake, and because I loved him and I’d already left my first husband. Even though I had my doubts, I never had the definite proof that he’d been unfaithful. I thought if I could prove to him that we were all here and we loved him, he’d realize what he had and stay with us.
I fell pregnant again when our son was four months old – I was on the mini pill and she was an accident. At the 20-week scan we found out we were expecting a girl, and it all went downhill, as I think he wanted another boy. He didn’t bond with her until she was about 18 months, and he didn’t come near me. We argued a lot.
Gradually things started to click into place. He used to tell me he worked until 11pm at night, but his earnings didn’t add up to the hours he worked. Our son used to cry for him, but his phone was off so I couldn’t ring him.
When our daughter was three, the day after our son’s fifth birthday, I found out he’d been seeing a 19-year-old for a year behind my back. There was a message on his phone from her, to which he’d replied, “Ok gorgeous, I’ll ring you when I can, I love you too.”
I rang her and she said they’d been together – and having sex – for a year. He also had endless messages on his phone from when I’d been pregnant. I knew I couldn’t go through this anymore, so on August 8 last year I packed his bags and he went.
Cheating on someone when they’re pregnant is one of the worst times a bloke can do it. You feel crap about yourself anyway. The fact he did that to me at what was meant to be one of the happiest times of my life was so hurtful. To give so much time and effort and love to someone, and carry their baby, and have it thrown back in your face is so disrespectful.
I sobbed for two weeks, I was crushed. But a month after we broke up I met my new partner Norm, 29, a bus driver, on Plenty of Fish.
We’ll have been together a year in September, and I’m 19 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. He proposed after two months.
John had knocked all the confidence and self-esteem out of me, but Norm has brought it all back, he’s my soulmate. Things happen for a reason and you never know what – or who – is around the corner.
Michelle Watson, 28, from Aberdeen, discovered partner Mark*, 27, had been sending steamy texts to another woman while she was in labor…
My pregnancy was a complete surprise – I’d only gone to the doctor to have my hip looked at after falling over while I was shopping. But it was a welcome one.
Mark and I had got together in 2012 after being friends for a few years. In May 2015 I was at home when I went into labor and called Mark to drive me to the hospital.
After hours of pacing around the ward, it became clear I was in it for the long haul. I was dripping with sweat and Mark was clearly bored out of his mind, nipping in and out of the birthing room to visit the canteen.
Eventually, he said he was popping out to the car and disappeared. I wasn’t too worried at first – I’d been in labor for hours and the baby was clearly in no rush to make an appearance. But then eventually the contractions really did kick in and I tried to ring him but couldn’t get through.
Worried I’d have to go through it all on my own, I called my grandma who came straight to the hospital. Just as I was about to make my final push, Mark finally reappeared, saying he’d gone for a sleep at home.
I could have killed him, but I couldn’t stay mad at Mark for long – he’d got there in the end and he was a doting dad to our baby boy.
Five months later, in October 2015, we were sat watching telly when Mark’s phone beeped with a message from another woman. I noticed she’d called him “babe” in her text and was furious. I demanded an explanation, but Mark insisted she was just a friend.
I had a niggling feeling that something else was going on, but let it go. But then a month later, I spotted his phone lying unattended and picked it up to scroll through the messages, even taking a look at his Facebook.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I discovered. There were loads of steamy messages between Mark and this other girl. I scrolled all the way back to May and discovered they’d been exchanging saucy texts when I was giving birth to our son.
One said: “I’ve told her I’m going home, I’ll be at yours soon.” So that’s where he’d disappeared off to which made him nearly miss the birth of our child. I was incensed – and devastated.
Mark was my best friend, my partner, the father of my son, yet this man was a stranger. I didn’t know him at all. When I confronted him he confessed he had been sleeping with the other woman – even while I was in labor.
He tried to apologize, saying he was embarrassed by what he’d done, but I refused to listen and took our child and left. To do that to a woman when she was having your baby, it’s disgraceful.
I let him see his son, and a few months later at New Year, I caught our baby smiling up at his father. My heart melted.
He may have treated me horribly, but no one could deny that he was an excellent dad. Eventually, I agreed to give him another chance.
Now we try to keep things amicable – for our son’s sake. Una, stay away from your ex; he’s a disgrace.
Fix the problem, Not the blame